Saying no to New Years resolutions pt. 2

So last year on New Years eve, I took a stand against all the usual resolutions that people make and soon break. I had a history of using my resolutions to wish for the things I wanted but were in fact out of my control. Next year at this time I want to be seeing in nye with a gf I love, I want to lose a stone – the usual BS that I list and hope for but realistically was setting myself up for failure. I have really struggled over the past couple of years with depression so have slowed down and learnt to take more notice of the things I have achieved and should be proud of. So last year, I didn’t write down what I wanted to achieve the following year, I took the time to reflect and write down what I was proud of having done. You can read my post from last year here, but today, a little early, I’m going to crack on with my reflection list for 2016.

• When I needed it, I went back and got help – this was the thing I was most proud of last year and am again. Especially coming from an African family, admitting you struggle with something like mental health and not just sweeping it under the carpet is big. Seeking help in 2015 was the best thing I could have done, and when I needed some help again in 2016, I didn’t hesitate. Going back to therapy was actually great. I saw how far I had come and was more open with my therapist. It helped me re-align and continue moving forward with a situation in the past that would have consumed me for months and lead me down a path of depression.
• I’m moving to Dubai – hence why this post is a day early as I am flying tonight. I have talked about working abroad for a long time. I even did a Masters in International Business to help foster that desire. I am bricking it right now and my anxiety is through the roof, but I am so proud of myself that I made it happen and am about to embark on this new adventure.
• I got promoted – which isn’t the be all and end all, but for me it meant a lot to be recognised for what I am doing. I know validation needs to come from within but I am also a very driven person and want to continue to progress at what I do.
• I created a better work life balance – that fact that I got promoted without working silly hours and weekends just shows to me that I can still do well without giving my all. I have learnt when I need me time, when I can do things with my friends and when I’m just not mentally or physically up for it and I’ve learned when to leave work behind. Massive step for me!
• I’m loving myself more everyday – I have my ups and downs like everyone but I am realising every day that I am beautiful in my own way, smart and powerful and that I am enough. It is something I will continue to struggle to accept but the more I find it in myself, the more those around me see it. When I felt on top of the world and loved me, I met two amazing women. Even though both didn’t work out, one has now become one of my closest friends. Love turns to kindness, which turns to confidence and contentment – so I just need to keep on loving me and I believe God will sort the rest.
• I understand myself more – one of the biggest things I discovered at therapy first time round is that I don’t really know me. I don’t understand my feelings or what I am really thinking a lot of the time. Everything is black and white with me. Well I saw last week that the girl who broke my heart two years ago and helped plunge me into the worst period of depression I’ve had is engaged to the girl I think she cheated on me with. I got so down about it for a minute but then I quickly understood that this isn’t really about her; I’m just scared and anxious about moving my life and leaving behind friends and family. It seems so small but I can’t explain the state seeing the picture of them engaged would have put me in just 18 months ago. I am so proud of myself and want to keep getting to know myself more.

Happy New Years guys. I’m sure I’ll have many trials and tribulations as I try to make a home in a new and different place. If you are making resolutions, be kind to yourself and don’t set yourself up to fail but I would definitely recommend you take the time to be proud of the things you have achieved in 2016. Now let’s make 2017 great!